


Worth

by Sogequeen



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship/Love, Internal Conflict, M/M, sort of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-05-17 23:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14841242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sogequeen/pseuds/Sogequeen
Summary: After the Germa episode Sanji is physiologic miserable and no one seems to notice his state but Zoro.





	1. Chapter one

_"How could anyone love you?"_

* * *

Sanji woke up with wild eyes, covered in sweat. He has been having these same dreams every since Luffy rescued him from the wedding: Judge looking down at him as if he was the most disgusting thing the world had ever created, not sparing any mean comment about it, or his brothers beating the shit out of him, telling Sanji how wrong and useless he was. That became his new routine: sleep, have the dream, wake up terrified, lie awake, breath to calm down, rub his face to remove the sweat and repeat until it's time to cook breakfast.

"Guess they were never wrong", it was the conclusion he came up when his feet reached the wooden floor of the ship.

He made his way to the bathroom, knowing none of his friends were awake this early in the morning, there he saw someone else looking at him in the mirror, someone he was already coming in terms with: a guy with blond hair that looked like chaff, curly eyebrows, lifeless eyes with purple/black bags underneath and a shameful goatee, there wasn't space for the Ladies Lover anymore, he stayed behind in those chambers of Big Mom. Out in the deck was another unknown man, no fancy suit, just simple clothes, a random shirt and jeans, no polished leather dress shoes, just sneakers, the only normal thing was the way that man breathed in the ocean scent, that scent was familiar, soothing, it meant home to him.

Looking around Sanji analysed the surroundings, Wano was a nice country, full of ancient Asian-like buildings, lots of green, fields and forests extended as far as his eyes could see, it was practically a miracle their captain haven't destroyed everything. He walked towards his kitchen planning on what to serve the crew, he was incredibly happy to be around all of them again even it that meant he needed to cook quantities that could feed an entire army. That thought brought a smile to lips, more time spend in front of the stove meant less time thinking about his miserable consanguineous. Hours or minutes could had passed by the time the first person entered the room.

"Morning, Sanji", Chopper sweet voice startle the cook from his thoughts. " What are we having today?", said the reindeer climbing the kitchen counter to peek out what he was doing.

Smiling, the blond looked over his shoulder to answer the kid, since his come back Chopper have been more lovely with him, he would appear out of nowhere to spend some time with Sanji, chit chatting or just laying in the counter while he prepared the meals. Either Chopper developed a Luffy like interest in food or he knew something wasn't right... or he was simply being Chopper showing him some love.

"As if", Sanji thought.

"Hey, doctor", he said, aiming to see the cute shy dance, "I'm finish the pancakes, wanna call the others so we can all eat?", not hearing any answer made him frown and turn to truly look at his friend, "...is anything wrong?"

"If I do so, will you eat as well?"

So he's really noticed

It wasn't as if Sanji was trying to starve, been there, done that, no wishes to live that hell again, thanks, but his appetite was probably the same where that old him was but he knew Chopper wouldn't leave him be if he didn't make sure Sanji was eating properly. 

"Sure", was all he could answer

* * *

 

Breakfast served, praises said, alone in the kitchen, it was time to clean up.

"What the fuck?"

Okay, maybe not so alone. Zoro's voice made him clench, why was he even here?

"You need to be more specific, algae head"

He didn't need turn from the sink to know the swordsman was making his way into the dish washing space. Who even needed such heavy boots?. Still not facing the man he frowned when he saw him taking the dish cloth out of the hook and started helping drying the dishes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you anyway? One entire hour without hitting on that witch, trying to beat some personal record?".

Oh, how embarrassing, he was so worried in not trowing up his food that he barely payed attention in his precious ladies, again... maybe there was really something wrong with him, maybe he could do a check up later, maybe...anyway, he would make up the girls later with a round of drink and sweets. Still he couldn't find strength to scream at Zoro for making fun of him or for the why he called Nami-san.

"None of your business" he menage to whisper " just don't call Nami-san names".

That was it, nothing more, no fight, no mockery duel, they kept their works in an uncomfortable silence.

* * *

 

The day passed without incidents, Sanji spent the entire day inside the kitchen, save only for the moment he came out in the sun to serve the ladies his apology. At dinner he had an awesome meal for the crew outside in the starry sky, with multiple flavored pasta and lots of whine, which he appreciated way more than the food, he could feel the heat caused by the booze spreading all over his body, and in his mind it was almost as if he as back to normal, well, at least the flirty him was somewhat back. By the time everyone decided go to sleep he was nearly wasted, lying in the grass, if only he could left everything the way things were in the deck, but he couldn't, could he? That wasn't the way Zeff raised him. Remembering his father and his old life made him laugh, how was Baratie without him? How were Patty and Karne dealing with the clients? Probably like shit. How was the old geezer without him? Probably better than he was, it wasn't as if he really needed Sanji for anything. Sighing he got up looking around the empty deck. Where were the pots and the table? How long had passed? What?

Arrive in the kitchen took more time than he anticipated, shut up, he wasn't stumbling. In there, shock took him over, there was the marimo, his back turned to the door and his front leaning in the sink.

"What you doing?", he manage to say.

"What does it look like, asshole? You're so wasted I had to pick up your mess". Now by his side, drying the pile of plates already cleaned, Sanji saw the tense way Zoro was, looked like something was bothering the other man. He could ask him if he was okay, but the man hated Sanji, so it wasn't his problem.

When they finally ended the dirt work, Sanji was so tired the could sleep in the floor, but sleeping meant dreaming and he definitely didn't want that, so he went into the pantry, grabbed another bottle of the same wine he was having early  and made his way to his second favorite place in the ship: the aquarium. Sitting in the comfy sofa, he light the last cigarette of what was his second pack of the day or was it the third? Who had time to keep track of this stupid thing anyway? Still with his lighter in hands he reached for the bottle on floor and warmed up the it's neck and watched amused as the cork jumped out.

"Wow, that's a good way of using this stupid golden shit"

"Seriously? Are you keeping track of me now? The fuck man?", he may not have been in the mood for bickering, but the world be dammed if he would let that son of a seaweed  babysit him.

"Well", he growled as he threw himself beside Sanji, "I can stop if you tell me what is wrong, that's not you"

"What do you care?", he snorted. He definitely didn't expect Zoro hand shoving him on the back of the sofa, all he did in his groggy state was look at the green haired man.

"Look, liking or not, I know you enough to say when something is wrong", he said in a low tone, almost growling, " so spit it out", he ended pushing Sanji before releasing him.

Sighing the blond straightened himself in the leather seat, just so he could support his elbows in his knees and his head in his hands, should he really do this? Give free ammunition for his enemy? Ten solid minutes passed while his drunk brain debated if he should or not open up, during this entire time the swordsman didn't move instead he stayed as a rock observing the cook.

"You won't tell anyone", it was barely a whisper, then turned to glare at him, "swear for your swordsman honor you won't tell anyone"

"As you wish", he answered rolling his eyes to hide his surprise, for the first time since the other man had arrived Zoro saw emotion in those blue eyes, he saw desperation, even if just for a second before Sanji faced the floor.

"Say it"

"Ugh, fine, I swear for my swordsman honor, happy?" 

An unsettling silence lied over them for another five minutes before Sanji finally calmed himself enough to start talking.  

"My father, the biological one, was... is... the worst thing that ever happened to me, followed by my fucking stupid brothers, they were... what's the right word for it?"

"Abusive?", the guess made the blond look forward.

"Sure, you can say that, but it doesn't seem enough. Judge, that's his name by the way, used to lock me into some dark cell with a fucking mask so no one could recognize me and he could pretend I was dead, 'cause I wasn't a stupid ge-genetic-" he was way too drunk for fancy words, " 'cause I wasn't one of his fucking monsters, 'cause that kid was only human and he couldn't be the father of a normal person, it would stain the Vinsmoke reputation". He was oversharing, he could hear the trembling in the echo of his voice provided by the quiet room, but he wasn't about to stop. " My brothers would beat me, I mean, they hurted me really bad I always screamed for help and he and my sister wouldn't listen", he scoffed, "of course they did, they simply didn't care, I wasn't worth"

Zoro was stoic as always, but in his insides the only thing he could thought was how much he wanted to do was show this "family" how sharp his swords were, all his being wanted to reach out and comfort Sanji, tell him he was indeed worth, even if that would make the other man livid. Yet, not moving, he waited, giving him his time to take deep breaths that seemed to calm him down.

"The only light I had was my mom, she was the most gorgeous woman in the world, she had the most beautiful smile and the kindest soul", a soft smile, his first real one in a while, took his lips, "I was an awful cook that time... I can see that now", this time it was a laugh, the first in a month, the sound was so warm and welcome that it broke Zoro facade, making him show a bright smile, "and yet that never matter to her, she would eat and complement me, and just like that", he snapped his fingers looking at the man, smiles still creeping  their faces, "my life was meaningful all over again".

"She must be a loving woman", it surprised both how soft his voice sound.

"She was, she was my rock, ya know? After her death... don't look at me like that, I'm not a kid anymore, I can deal with mourning now, where I was?... Oh, right", he turned his body so he could throw his arm at the backrest and face the aquarium better, "after her death I manage to escape that help with some help of my sister, ended up in a cruise ship, met Zeff, starved..."

"WHAT?!"

"That's not what this chit chat is about, focus, algae for brains. The thing is, my childhood was awful, these days with the Germa and Big Mom reminded me about it"

"And that's why you're all fucked up these days?", if Sanji had looked at Zoro that moment he would see all the concern the usually deadpan man was letting exposed, but he was far more interested in the new fishes behind the glass.

"Yeah, part of it", he stopped again to light another cigarette, felt like years since the last time he'd smoke, after taking a deep drag he continued. " That and the fact that my two most loved people in the world thought me that it didn't matter what I did as long I poured my heart into it, someone would find it good"

"I lost you there, curly"

"Nothing new under the sun", he stated before continue, "What I mean is that I did what they told me, all I did during my life was pour my heart out, I poured, and poured and poured... now, I guess I'm empty."

Zoro breath caught during the last statement, what was he supposed to say to that? Should he call Chopper to try to find out a cure or  something? They couldn't afford having an empty Sanji, could they? He knew he couldn't. However, before he could say something Sanji started talking again.

"There, I told you, now let me be miserable alone", the forgotten bottle was back in his hands, making its way towards his mouth, but Zoro was faster.

"Fine", he stood up with the bottle in his hands now, " but no more booze to you, you still have work to do tomorrow and I don't need your hangover vomit in my food, your cook is already disgusting without it." he finished his sentence by the door and it didn't stopped him from hear the series of curses screamed at him in the aquarium room.

While he made his way to the crown's nest for his watch and during it there was thousands of questions in his head, though one was louder than the others: "What I can do for him?"  

 


	2. Chapter 2

Everything hurt when Sanji woke up, it felt like he had slept in a rock mattress. Looking around he found himself still in the aquarium room where he had that talk with Zoro, ugh, why had he done that? No, worse, how would he face that green asshole now? Sitting felt like riding a wild bull, the entire room started to spin, and he had to wait a few seconds to reopen his eyes and not see the floor moving, after that he got up, only to get momentarily blind. Hangover was a bitch, but it was better than the nightmares, he had more chances to stay alive facing this stupid pain than facing his past.

  
A clock showing it was almost nine in the mourning snapped him from his thoughts, the crew was probably awake at this point and there was no food ready. He made his way towards the kitchen running and ignoring that stupid headache which only seemed to get worse each step he took.

There the view made him forget about all the aches: Zoro and Chopper where by the balcony, the reindeer reading one of his recipes, croque monsieur apparently, while the swordsman was following the instructions, both so focused they didn’t realize they were not alone anymore. Going further inside, the smell of black tea hit him, he could tell whoever did it hasn’t done it the same way Sanji would, but it probably wasn’t the worst tea in the world either.  
A fake cough startled them, his bodies tensed when they looked wild eyed to the blond.

  
“Mind to tell me what are you two doing in my kitchen?”, Zoro started to blink and look around, it was Chopper who recovered first.

  
“Sorry for the mess! We promise to clean everything later!”, he dropped the book at the marble surface, reached the tea-pot and a cup and gestured for Sanji to come closer. “Here, I made it for you!”

  
“Uh… thank you, Doc”, he said, still uneasy glaring at them. “But seriously, what the fuck?”

  
“Don’t look at me like that, cook, Chopper was already here when I came in”

  
“Fine, but why are you still here? Messing with MY kitchen?! Fuck off!”

  
“What?! Quit bitching, curly!”, Zoro growled dropping the spoon inside the bowl and slamming his hands on the balcony, but before a real fight could start Chopper intervened.

  
“Sanji, I wanted to make you a surprise, you’re not fine these days, so I thought it would be nice to do you some tea, but then Zoro appeared and you didn’t… we decided to help you out by making the breakfast, so you could relax a bit”

  
Astonished the cook eyes traveled from Chopper to the Marimo, who was too worried looking away hiding his blushing face, to the cup in his hands and to the sandwiches they were making. How was he supposed to act normal when everything else wasn’t?

  
“There’s no need- “

  
“Yes, there is! Please, just this time, let us help you! And we are almost done!”, great, how could he say no to Chopper pleading? That kid was so sweet sometimes it gave him diabetes.

  
Sighing, he sat down pointing at Zoro.

  
“That means you need to be around?”

  
“Can’t disobey doctor’s orders”, he answered shrugging.

  
“Ugh”

  
Sipping the black tea Sanji tried to keep a straight face, those two idiots didn’t need to know how warm that tea made him feel inside.

* * *

 

“Well, it isn’t as good as Sanji ’s, but it is edible… who knew you could cook like a human being, Zoro?”, Nami said slyly making Luffy laugh as crazy.

  
“I’m sorry for that Nami-san, but these two don’t follow orders”

  
He didn’t expect the sweet smile she gave him while reaching to hold his hand.

  
“It’s okay, Sanji-kun, you deserve a rest.”

  
He had to look away, more of his weird behavior, no nosebleeds anymore, just a blush and a sheepish act.

  
“Thanks” he mumbled, taking his half empty dish to the sink.

* * *

 

“Off”

  
Strong hands pushed him from the sink, he was supposed to be alone, he needed to be alone right now, it was dinner time and he spend the day with his crewmates, first, Usopp didn’t want him to do the dishes, then, Nami-san asked for help with her orange threes, at lunch time Chopper was there to help him again, afterwards when he was going to clean the kitchen Luffy screamed he wanted to play cards with Sanji, Usopp and Franky and none of them could deny him “cause it was captain’s order”. Right now, he craves for some time alone, he was tired of pretending he was “better”.

  
“Stop looking so mortified, it’s annoying”

  
“What do you want, Zoro?”, gosh, he sounded so tired.

  
Eh? Had he just called him Zoro? Did it ever happen before? At least he wasn’t the only one surprised, Zoro had to shake his head to erase his shocked expression.

  
“Just want to help”, it was barely a whisper yet Sanji heard him crystal clear. He didn’t answer, so they started to work together to clean the mess from earlier.

* * *

 

“Now let me make dinner, leave me alone.”

  
“No”

  
“Uh, I don’t know if the grass can hear things clear, but it was an order, not a suggestion”  
The talking grass shrugged then moved to the pantry.

  
“What do you need from here?”. He couldn’t accept that help anymore, he wasn’t a fucking invalid for fuck’s sake. He was on the edge already. “You deaf? What do you want?”

  
He snapped.

  
“I FUCKING WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, AM I NOT BEING CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU, ALGAE BRAIN?”

  
He waited for the moment the other man would scream back at him and leave with heavy steps, though that moment never happened. What happened was Zoro coming back to the kitchen with a hurt expression Sanji couldn’t comprehend, he stopped in front of him, his eyes were searching for something Sanji couldn’t quite figure.

  
“There’s no need to pretend you’re okay around me, no need to fight whatever is happening inside you”

  
He was whispering, why was he whispering? It was just them in there. And he was definably coming closer, the blond could see himself in the swordsman’s eyes.

  
“Just let me help you”, he finished placing his hands on Sanji ‘s shoulders.

  
For one in his life, having a man touching him like that didn’t made him sick. The new Sanji reacted funny to any sort of affection. He placed his right hand on Zoro’s chest, not to push the man, to reassure him somehow, he managed to show a small smile.

  
“Trust me, right now all I need is be alone”

  
He felt so peaceful and empty after he left

* * *

 

 

Dinner passed without many incidents, the only abnormal thing was Chopper watching him with clinical eyes, if he could feed Sanji no doubt he would, just to make sure he was really eating. Now was almost 10p.m, he was by the rail, smoking watching the sea pass by as Brook played one of his songs, when he closed his eyes he could pretend everything was fine again. Just another end of a day with nicotine, the ocean spray and music.

  
“You are disgusting”

  
There it was again.

  
His mouth opened, and the cigarette felt into the dark, his knuckles were white from the visceral grip he had in the railing and apparently the didn’t remember how to breath anymore. Panic built in his chest, running his fingers through his hair he tried his best to walk away from the deck without showing what was happening with him. The breakdown came as soon as he made it inside the empty quarter where Mini Merry was, throwing his back hit the wall, tears started to run free and he tried in vain to repress the hiccups, the air came back to his lungs in an uncoupled way, his whole body shake and his hands where clutched in his hair. A fucking mess.

  
So emerged in his panic attack, Sanji didn’t realize he wasn’t alone anymore, only realizing it when hands touched his forearms so gently.

  
“You’re gonna hurt yourself like this”

  
Why was he here again? Didn’t he understand he just wanted to be alone? Between his hiccups he manages to whisper:

  
“Leave”

  
He didn’t, instead he took Sanji ‘s hands from the blond strands so he could place his own hands in each side of the man’s jaw lifting his face.

  
“Inspire through your nose and expire through your mouth, like this”, it took some good minutes until Sanji could mimic exactly what the other man was doing, seen the progress Zoro gave him a subtle smile, “See, that better isn’t?”

  
Sanji couldn’t respond, he was defeated, god, he was such a loser letting his feelings take control of him like that, still, he let himself be pulled into the other’s embrace, resting his head on crook of his neck.

  
It was time to admit it to himself.

  
“ I need help”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey, how are you guys doing?  
> Thanks for the kudos and for the comments <3  
> I hope you like this chapter as well and thank you soooooo much COTZO, the amazing human who betad the chapter ♡


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks COTZO for being an amazing beta <3

Strong hands were kept on Sanji until his sobs died, caressing his back with random patterns atop of his shirt and combing through his hair. His head was still in Zoro’s shoulder and he was making a huge effort to convince himself that this entire embrace received was good because he was in need of human affection, not because Zoro was his friend, or because his scent was intoxicatingly.

“Are you calmer now?”, just a gentle whisper above his ear, the hot breath made him shiver. As he didn’t trust himself to move away or say anything, he simply nodded. “Great”. Sanji could feel the fucker smiling, his mouth found its way to his temple, where he rested his lips leaving a soft kiss.

It took a while to restart the conversation, while Zoro waited for the breath on his neck to normalize, his hands traveled down Sanji’s waist, caressing his hipbones with his thumbs and carefully pushing the blond away enough to see those puffy, blue eyes.

“So, what do you need me to do?”

Maybe it was the fondness in his stormy gray eye, or maybe the caress, or even the quiet and comfortable atmosphere around them, he never managed to be quite sure about what made him say those words in such a rush.

“Make me feel needed”. 

No move was made, his response were wild eyes and agape mouth, pretty much the same expression he had, his nails dig into the swordsman’s shoulders as his face becoming more and more flushed by the second.

“What?”. Zoro’s mouth was suddenly dry, making swallowing hard, as if there was a golf ball in his throat.

 The answer plus the shame and his shocked expression made Sanji snort laughter. Why was him. So. Fucking. Broken?

“You deaf, moss head? You want to help and  _right now_  I just want to feel needed, got it?”, the hands in his hips grabbed him tighter while him nodded. “Great, then make me fucking forget who I am.” 

Zoro knew that wasn’t what his nakama really needed, that if he did what he was told it would, sooner or later, blow up in his face, but fuck, it was so goddamn hard to think straight when his fantasies were happening right in front of him, he wished Sanji couldn’t feel the sweat forming in his hands, still he managed to let out something close squeak.

“How do you expect me to do this?”, there was only a frustrated groan in response. The hands digging his shoulders left to pull its owners hair. “Okay, fine, we can do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Like?”, his hands dropped to the sides.

“You tell me…”, he couldn’t hide his smile as he pulled him closer, so he could whisper every world into pale skin. “You want me to keep cuddling?”, into the junction of his neck and shoulder, “or do you want me to do  _much more_  than that?”, he began to nuzzle his jaw, leaving a sloppy kiss there and smiled when the goosebumps appeared.

“You should know this gay shit makes me want to throw up”, though he didn’t move.

“Well… there’s no need to deepthroat right away”, he bit his lobe before pulling back, laughing at the desperation in the other’s face, he stopped laughing and waited for a comeback, so it was a huge surprise when his cloth was pulled, and their lips touched.

Yep, he was so fucked up.

There wasn’t love, nor passion, just desperation, Sanji knew he could do better than that mess, especially if his “companion” helped him rather than only stay still. He licked his lips, trying to leave his message, but it only made Zoro get away from his embrace.

“Woah! Calm down, curly!”, he brought his hand to remove the saliva in his mouth, frustrating the blond.

“Ugh… just…”, he rubbed his flushed face, “Just, forget everything, okay?”, he should just leave.

“Oi, shitcook, let me show how it’s done.”

His hand was removed and Zoro’s were put in it’s place, each holding his jaw in such a gentle way that still surprised him.

“Come on, close your eyes”.

He did what he was told to. The kiss started pleasing, small kisses followed by his thumbs stroking his jaw, it was a good sensation, but not enough. His hands gripped the fabric of his vest needy, this time there was no removal, Zoro’s lips formed a smile before going in deep, biting the bottom and pushing his tongue forward to explore the mouth he so long aimed, the content sigh was all he needed to move, fingers brushing the muscles of his back, abs, hips, leaving a trail of chills behind. When he reached the waistband, Sanji’s body tensed, jumping slightly away.

“What the fuck you think you are doing?”, barely a whisper duo his uneven breath.

“What you told me to do”, he had a cockshy smile that made Sanji’s gut twist up and down, “But, hey,”, he raised his arms in mocked surrender, “whatever makes you comfortable.”

The silence was so dense Sanji thought Zoro could hear his brain working, part of it, that old lover boy, was screaming, begging, for him to stop to run away and pretend this, all of this, never happened, while the other, this new empty dude, who was definitely in charge, just wanted to fell into pleasure and didn’t care from where it came, as long as it was from someone else.

 Zoro was analyzing him, anything could be a sign, he knew it would be hard to leave now, what was in his pants would certainly complain because he didn’t accomplish their wishes, but he would leave, damn, he would run away if it would make Sanji comfortable. He hoped he didn’t looked so startled when Sanji sighed and began to talk.

“Fine”, he was so embarrassed, “just… let’s not go all the… all the way through.”

The swordsman needed some seconds to realize what was going on, biting his lip hard enough to feel the blood, trying to look as cool as possible in the current situation.

Kissing the blond to hide his flutter behavior, his hands were fast working on freeing his penis and even faster on stroking it, he didn’t risk seeing it, we couldn’t afford acting like a nervous teenager now. His pace was rather slow, didn’t want to scare him away, he trailed his mouth down to his neck, biting the flesh and licking right after as an apology, Zoro hadn’t any idea when was the last time he was this tender before, he didn’t even think he ever acted like this in all in his entire life, by any means, the quiet moans he was earning were enough to make him happy.

“Ah… Marimo, come on, you can…ugh… do more than this”

Though he didn’t believe in any kind of god, he asked enough mental power to stick the “only the comfortable” plan.

“Uh, try not to scream, then”, he said as he kneeled down in front of the cook.

Sanji knew his mind wasn’t in its best condition, but he didn’t need to be sane to know that was the best blowjob of his whole life.

* * *

 

When they came back to the deck no one was anywhere to be seen, but it didn’t take long for them to hear that cute voice calling them from up in the crown’s nest.

“Hey! You two! Come here!”, Chopper always liked company, but it was odd for him to intercept people that were on their way to sleep, especially if the person was being watched like a baby, it was so odd that both made their way up the mast after exchanging a confused look.

“If I hear anything about what we just did, I’m going to kill you”, he whispers before opening the trap door.

“Sure, sure”

* * *

 

“Where’s the trouble, kid?”, Zoro said barely noticing the reindeer, dropping himself on the couch built-in the walls.

“Did I scare you?! I’m so sorry! It wasn’t my plan, you guys can go to sleep if you want to…”, his voice got higher, “Oh my dear! Sanji! You need to sleep! You haven’t ha-”

“Doc, it’s okay… I’m not”, what had just happened went by in his mind, he had to cough to mask his embarrassment, “Well, I’m not really sleepy.”

“Yeah, just ignore him, Chopper, maybe he will go away.”, Sanji flipped him, making the small one laugh.

“It’s just that… the stars are really beautiful tonight, and… I wanted someone to share the view”, he declared shyly, hiding in the wrong side of the couch.

The answer had Sanji giggling, Chopper never stopped being cute, did him?

 He moved to where Zoro lied his feet, climbing him so he could sit on the window stop, legs above the Marimo, patting his leg so Chopper could know where he wanted him to sit. He did, with a little difficult, so feeling the blond petting his head as a nice reward. They sat in silence for some minutes, that could have been hours, it was hard to say, then the two by the window started to point out constellations, Chopper, was almost an expert, he showed them, even if Zoro was still laying with his eyes closed, he would read and look for them at the rare clean nights of Drum, but liked Canis Minor the most, because he used to say it was him and Doctor Hiluluk was the Canis Major.

 Sanji on the other hand only knew the Crux and the Pisces, because he used to sneak out his bedroom in Baratie just to see the stars from the roof, but his books were basically just about food and the sea, he just discovered those two names at one particular night that Zeff found him, he thought he would be livid, yet Zeff sat beside him and began to tell him about his golden pirate days. Thinking about the old man hurt, he was safe now and better without his burden, he probably didn’t even think about Sanji at all, why would him?

He stopped overthinking when he felt a hand on his calf, caressing him discreetly, trying to calm him down, how he knew he was freaking out Sanji couldn’t tell, it worked anyway and they both smiled, Zoro facing the celling satisfied with himself and Sanji, staring at the stars, remembering how his mom used to do something just like that 

“Zoro, won’t you join us?”, Chopper voice made him look at the boys, his heart beating speeded up at the sign of Sanji peacefully lost in thought, he didn’t want to watch anything else.

“Nah, this is too sappy for me.”, god, he wished he could caress more than just his calf.

* * *

 

 The days passed without much trouble, a record for the straw-hats, and calm days meant Luffy coming to the kitchen to check in the food every 10 minutes, which meant Sanji would need to refill the pantry soon, today specifically. 

It had been a week since the… incident, which repeated itself for the past seven days. Seven days that had Sanji muffling his cries of pleasure, Zoro dying inside to do something else, that would also bring _him_ pleasure. Sanji’s nightmares weren’t so repeated, 3 at maximum per night, he even managed to eat a little bit more, he was starting to feel a little flame of what he was before, not that he would thanks Zoro for that, hell no, it was already embarrassed enough that what was helping him was the other man's touch, and skillful mouth, and… nope, he had a deal with himself: do not think about it; not until the Marimo called him at the end of the night anyway.

There was just one little problem, that was actually a huge thing, the night encounters weren’t being enough anymore, he needed more, he needed to  _feel_  more.

Damn, he couldn’t believe he was about to propose  _that._

“Oi! Aho-marimo, come!”, he shouted as he came down the ramp that connected the ship to Wano’s harbor.

There was a silence before Nami screamed at his back.

“Zoro! Didn’t you hear Sanji-kun?! Go help him shopping!”

A confusion of loud voices in the deck before a grumpy grass came down, and passing by Sanji with heavy steps.

“Wrong side, Marimo”

* * *

 

They had just finished buying the non-perishable part of the list when heavy dark clouds appeared in the sky, a second barely passed by before the rain started merciless.

“Ah fuck, just what I needed”

Zoro might be pissed, but a storm was just the excuse Sanji had been searching the whole day. They ran the market street until Sanji bluntly stopped in front of a homely inn, shouting for Zoro to follow him.

He would make things enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey! The update too longer than I planned, but anyway, thank you all for the kudos and comments, it made me really happy.  
> And as I just realised I just publish fanfics in years of world cups here is my wish for Russia: VAI BRASIL, ME FAZ HEXA.  
> See you guys <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, do you still remember me?  
> Again thanks to COTZO for being an amazing beta ♡

The inn was warm inside and Sanji almost felt guilty because they were soaking the nice beige patterned carpet, aside that, he supposed the inn was well decorated, not that he was paying attention, he was so eager to finally get some privacy that the wall could have been filled with human limbs and he probably wouldn’t notice.

The innkeeper was a lovely old lady, her sympathy a funny contrast with Zoro’s livid face, who was shaking his head like a dog and splashing more water on the floor.

“I’m sorry for bringing this ogre inside, ma’am”, he offered an apologetic smile as she handed him the keys.

“Do not worry, sweetheart, I hope you two have a nice time in here.”

…

There was a double meaning in her saying, Sanji knew it! And he was about to tell her that it wasn’t like that and they were only there because the rain caught them off guard, which wasn’t the whole true, but maybe just this time it was ok to lie to a lady, when Zoro bumped against him going for the stairs, grumbling about finding a way to dry his clothes.

“Where do you think you are going without the keys, dumb-Marimo?!”

* * *

 

“What are you waiting for, cook? Open the goddamn door, I’m starting to freeze.”

Yeah, he should open the door, that was actually the plan, he didn’t want to spend the evening outside the bedroom, then why the hell couldn’t he open the door? Why was he so nervous? Why was his heart beating so fast?! He wasn’t a maiden for fuck’s sake, he could do it… right? It would be just one time, only to detoxify his body from the fucked up sad, lonely man he had become after Whole Cake, wouldn’t it?

“Hey”, his eyes focused on the green bastard as he realized how soft his voice has, damn, was he having a panic attack just now? “are you okay?”

His hand came to his face, pinning it to look him in the eye, his fingers finding its way into blond locks, caressing in the same soothing way it had that day when this mess started.

“Yeah, sure” And again, he didn’t know what lured him to kiss the Marimo, but he did it anyway, a feather like touch, just to reassure to himself his plan.

“That’s definitely not what you would do if you were okay”, his smile was shameless, but there was a crease between his eyes, another thing Sanji didn’t know was how someone could be worried and horny at the same time. Snorting, he made his way to open the door.

“Get inside, you impatient bastard”

* * *

 

Once inside, his eyes started to inspect every single detail, he wasn’t backing down, he was a man, and men do not back down, no matter how unmanly the situation was, that’s why he stayed in that Okama hell for two horrible years! He didn’t do anything right away because it would be rude not to appreciate the old lady classy taste, okay? The bedroom was actually pretty wide with a considerable balcony and a large bed in the middle of it.

“Fuck”, he mumbled of course it was a double bed.

“What are you waiting for?! Let me in already!” oh, right, there was a reason why he was here.

Turning, he decided not to think too much. His hands reached for the damp robe bringing the other inside his personal space, close enough so he could count all his sun freckles, which were gone as soon as his blood came to his face, making him blush and, straight or not, Sanji could admit that was a really nice view.

“What are _you_ waiting for, Ma-ri-mo?” He couldn’t deny he also loved the way Zoro’s eye traveled down to his mouth as he finished his point.

Like a desperate man Zoro grabbed his hips and flushed their bodies, his temple now resting on Sanji’s shoulder with his forehead pressed on the side of his neck.

“I hope you know what this will mean, Ero-cook”.

Feeling his smile on his skin, just before a playful bite was all he needed to kick away all his doubts. Laughing, he pulled the other’s head away enough so he could kiss him again, this time will all the eagerness he had been feeling since he left the ship, which was corresponded just as soon, it seemed that it didn’t matter what Sanji gave, the swordsman was always pleased to give him much more, he pulled his bottom lip and slipped his tongue inside the cook’s mouth, making his eyes roll to the back of his head, and as much as Sanji hated to admit no other women he had been was that much of a good kisser.

He already felt high, his hands started to roam, going inside the robe and pushing it away from the sculpted chest, stopping on its way down as it reached for the swords, he couldn’t just throw them away, not that he would ever admit it out loud, but he respected Zoro’s swords just as well as he respected Sanji’s hands. Slowly, he undid the knot of the red cloth that supported the three of them, when he finished it Zoro pulled away from the kiss, looking at him with the most breath-taking smile the other had him ever give.

“Fuck off”, that look was to muck for this straightness, so he shoved his head away and went to the big nightstand to place the swords there.

A second after the placed the last one safely on the wood surface, he was pulled toward the bed, falling on his back with muffled “uff”.

“WHAT TH-” Another kiss, this time a more, he dared to think, passionate kiss, leaving completely breathless right away. Definitely, and unfortunately, the best kiss he had ever received.

“Never knew you cared about them”, Zoro whispered right after breaking the contact for more air, thought it didn’t take much longer for him to move down, teasing the pale skin exposed by the t-shirt the cook was wearing, leaving small bites and a saliva trail on his neck and collarbone.

“We are nakamas and they are your treasure, why wouldn’t I?” That stopped Zoro’s pleasure play completely, making him lift himself on his hands, trapping Sanji and looking him a little bit exasperated, chest rising and falling way too fast, his pupils dilatated, mouth opening and closing, as if he wanted to say something. _Oh great_ , Sanji thought, _I said it_. Just when he thought his chances of getting laid were done a hand was gently placed on his cheek.

“I want you”

The hoarse voice sent chills down his spine. Another thing he never experienced with a woman was so much of raw desire, from both sides, of course the only reason why he was like that was because he was really needy, but even though, letting an algae know how eager he was wasn’t on his plans. So, to mask it he laid his arms around the other’s neck and pushed himself just enough to rub theirs, now extremally outward, erections together and nib his swollen lips.

“And what’s stopping you, are you lost?”, this and a cheeky smile was all he needed to make the him move as passionate and fast as before. Clothes flew across the room, the bed creaked with the blunt actions, hands caressing skin while taking the fabric away, leaving both with only their underwear. But when Sanji went for Zoro’s, his wrists were trapped and brusquely put up his head.

“Were doing this right, don’t forget it”

Slowly, he freed his hands, caressing his arms all the way to his chest at the same time his mouth covered Sanji’s in a, also slowly, kiss, taking his time, as if he never touched Sanji before. Fingers feeling every inch of his chest and abs, he already knew Sanji’s unpleasantly sensible nipples, so when he felt the light touch on them he knew Zoro would not stop messing with him, which made him pull green strands to retaliate the gesture, which, on the other hand, had done the Marimo break the kiss to laugh, what also made Sanji smile.

“Sorry”, despite the playful tone, the trail of pecks left from his mouth to jaw almost made the cook believe him, but the word turned meaningless as his nipple was pinched, making him squirm under the muscular body.

“Cut that off, asshole!”

Again, there wasn’t much time to complain as the gently caress resumed, this time sinking to his legs, Zoro sat on the matters and placed one of Sanji’s legs on his left shoulder so he could kiss it, starting from the ankle and heading to the calf, left hand holding it in place while the right one rested on the pale groin, drawing random patters there.

Sanji never had a feet or leg kink, but well, you learn something new about yourself every day.

He liked the attention, actually, he needed it, it was the first time he was truly feeling complete, but it still wasn’t enough, wasn’t what he craved for. Screw his pride, he wanted to cum.

“Zoro”, it wasn’t supposed to be a moan, but well.

It worked, it had him to stop, but not before a bite above his knee, lowering the leg his head went straight to the tent that was currently Sanji’s underwear, licking all this extension on top of the fabric, a long sigh escape from his lips, but the sudden lack of blood in his brain didn’t leave him so high that he couldn’t voice his actual plan.

“Stop delaying it!”, he didn't know it was possible to moan sentences.

Another stop, it seemed that Zoro couldn’t believe the current situation was real, which was the truth, inside his head all of this was a dream and he would wake up at any time, it happened before, this wouldn’t be the first time.

Without blinking, his eye never leaving Sanji, who was staring at a random stop behind his shoulder, he finally got undress. He was almost afraid of what could happen, he wanted this so bad, wanted the blond so much it hurt like never before, if the worst happened he would back down, would stop right away, but fuck, he prayed to every non-existent god for this scenario not to happen. He felt his hands shaking slightly, it had been years since the last time that happened.

“What are you waiting for?”, again, the teasing tone was all he needed to snap from his overthinking and set himself between those delicious legs.

“Calm down a little, would you?”

 _Why didn’t I prepare himself for this kind of situation?!_ He hated even the though alone of their first time been spite based, but he didn’t exactly have any other choice right now, so he covered those amazing blue eyes to lubricate his fingers. _The eyes do not see, the heart does not feel_. Only after he was satisfied with his “task”, his hand released the cook’s eyes and hovered to his ass, squeezing it before going to his inner thigh in an almost bruising hold.

“This won’t start pleasurable”. First, he circled the puckered hole, wetting it so the entrance could be a little more comfortable, which didn’t exactly work for the way Sanji’s body reacted with his legs holding him in a deadly hug.

“Want me to stop?”. It took a little too long for his answer.

“I- I can handle it”, merely a whisper.

With that Zoro put an incredibly amount of dedication to find his G-spot, almost a minute had past when he heard a surprised gasp, relieved, he hit it a few times, just enough so the pleasured muffle sounds were a constant, before inserting another finger. The same process happened, but this time it was easier to replace discomfort with lust, he was about to insert the third one went a hand twitched his hair.

“Come on”, definitely a moan.

The cook would be the death of him. He “oiled” himself with his own pre-cum, biting his lips to not leave any sound as he did so, when he finished it he laid above the blond, his right arm above the others head so he could both look him in the eyes and stroke his silky hair. Taking his lips with his own he began to go inside, tighten his closed eyes in concentration as the wet heat surrounded him.

_Don’t come, don’t come. Do. Not. Come._

He only realized he was fully inside the cook went the felt lips been released as he threw his head back, squirming and slightly trembling. Zoro decided then to leave another track of kisses, this time both pecks and open-mouthed ones, from his mouth to his jaw, collarbone and finally beneath his ear.

“Can I move?”, his voice was so deep he almost didn’t recognize it, but by the goosebumps that appeared on Sanji’s skin, his companion seemed to like it.

There wasn’t any verbal answer, Sanji was too embarrassed for those, what he received was his lower back being enlaced and shoved in his hips direction, so he began with his pace, steady and slow moves, he didn’t want to inflict any pain, until he found that sweet spot again, which had the cook moaning so delicious on his ear that he almost lost it. His pace speeded up a little more, enough for the bed to creak again.

God, his dirtiest dreams had become truth, he was loving it, he was going crazy and high and desperate. He loved Sanji, so fucking much, this thought had him sucking the white skin displayed for him, just for him.

Sanji was a mess, his nails were dig in deep in flesh, scratching his back and neck, he was moaning and gasping and groaning, that was just what he needed, all he craved, all his detoxification, he would finally be complete by the end of it, he couldn’t wait and also never wanted this sensation to end. Zoro was now mumbling all kinds of sweets nothing on his ear, but he wasn’t exactly paying attention, he was so close, until one specific statement.

“I’ve wanted this”, a groan, “for so long”, another one, “I love you”, another, “love you”

* * *

 

He could deal with a man touching him, he could deal with a man fantasizing with him even, but been _loved_ by a man? Been loved _like this_ for a man?

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

He gathered all the strength he could in his current state to push the bigger man away from him, throwing him out the bed with a loud noise. He sat up, dragging himself as far as he could from Zoro, who looked at him so puzzled and afraid (?), that was almost funny if the situation wasn’t nerve-racking.

“Did… did I do something wrong?”, his voice was quiet, full of worry, just like it did countless times those last days, it made Sanji nauseous.

“YES. You _love_ me? _You_ love _me_?!”, his face turned into a disgusted façade as he spoke, “do you know how _disgusting_ that sounds?!”

Silence.

It felt like hours of silence.

Days.

Maybe weeks even.

“Get out”, so much rage, Sanji used to be familiar with that tone, didn’t he?

Months of silence felt in the room as the blond picked his clothes and dressed up, when he finally did it he turned to Zoro who was on the exact same spot as he felt, his eyes burning and throat dry.

“I said. GET. OUT”

Sanji did it, trying not to think how hurt his nakama looked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so, I'm sorry for the delay, my life is a mess, I'm studying my ass off, I got punched on the subway, crises, crises, crises.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave your love ( or hate, I don't know)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time it took me to update, many things happened, like we lost the world cup, my mind became much more fucked up and fascism its back. Yey !  
> And again thank you Cotzo for being such an angel

He was so dumb.

  
Zoro was still on the floor, the same spot Sanji had threw him, he couldn’t move, he was paralyzed and currently had lost all his space perception. Everything ached, his chest felt painfully tight, his scalp was burning from the aggressive pull his hands had on it, after all, he couldn’t risk freeing them and ruin that sweet old lady’s inn, but what fell worst were his eyes, he never knew holding back tears could be so painful, it was supposed to be just water why did it burn so much? Why it made him suffocate, wrong, stupid?

  
He should’ve seen that coming, he was a pirate, a focused swordsman with a fucking dream, he couldn’t afford stupid romances and cliché scenarios, especially with a homophobic prick like Sanji, who used him just so he could fool around when he was felling blue.

  
Thinking of it made his blood boil, he worried about the blond, he was sure whatever happened in that I-don’t-kwon-what Cake Island fucked his mind, and fucked it bad, he tried so much to be selfless, not to think about all his kinky thoughts involving Sanji, just for the sake of helping him out, because he knew that not only him, but the whole crew, including Sanji himself, wanted and needed that loud cheerful cook back, it hadn’t been a sacrifice, it had been wonderful, this was supposed to feel fucking amazing, but after all his selfness wasn’t good enough to suppress Sanji’s egocentric and straight to death self. Zoro wanted to smash his face, wanted to cover that stupid-cook’s body in punches and kicks, wanted to inflict as much pain in him as he was feeling right now.

  
Disgusting?

  
That fucker had some nerve, wasn’t him supposed to be the one that loved love? Shouldn’t he be glad that someone out there loved him? Zoro wasn’t asking for a mutual answer for fuck’s sake, to be fair, he wasn’t waiting for anything at all, it was like his mind went blank and the worlds slipped from his mouth, he wasn’t even sure if it was a thought or not, neither if Sanji was paying attention to what he was saying… apparently, he was… not that the swordsman would ever admit out loud, but damn if he wasn’t feeling disgusting right now.

* * *

 

  
Walking was an impossible task at the moment, so was sitting and moving, guess he shouldn’t have pushed Zoro’s cock from him that harshly.

  
No.

  
Not thinking about him or his dick.

  
He thanked the fact that the inn wasn’t so far from the ship, all that rain was awfully annoying, he wished Zoro would remember to catch the rest of the groceries from the inn’s pantry.

  
Fuck! Stop thinking about him!

  
But he felt guilty, they were, no, they are nakamas, Sanji himself had told him this earlier, they should always look after each other, no matter how unusual the situation was. He was feeling awful with himself and he couldn’t blame anyone for that, Zoro was probably the most selfless one in the Straw-hats, Zoro is the one who would rather face his dead than see his friends suffer, he knew he didn’t do anything just to take advantage, whatever he did was to help Sanji, he was sure of that, Zoro was not like that, he was amazing and deserved to love some one so much better than Sanji, after all Zoro was the guy who sacrificed himself to save everyone in Thriller Bark and Sanji was the dude who freaked out when he heard that someone loved him.

* * *

  
  
When he reached Thousand Sunny, he felt numb and tired, so instead of doing his job he opted to take a nice long bath. But in the moment after he closed the bathroom’s door behind him, he didn’t expect to collapse, his legs bucked just when the managed to get near the toilet, where he threw up until there was nothing inside him and his entire digestive track hurt like a bitch and he had to call down his nausea so his insides would stop its attempt of killing him. By the time he calmed down he felt so much more tired, so much that he had no strength to hold back his tears.

  
He felt dirtier than before.

  
It took him two full hours to recompose himself, which were spend inside the bathtub, but at the end, he still felt dirty.

 

* * *

Few hours later the rain had stopped, and he was organizing the pantry, and everything was quiet, too quiet, the kind that makes you overthink, but he was so numb his mind was empty, and his hands worked on their own, he only restarted to think when he heard Luffy’s muffled scream coming from the deck above, asking where someone, that could only be Zoro, had been.

“Fuck”, he mumbled, he had no intentions of leaving this room so soon, but even though Zoro was the one with the rest of the supplies, sooner or later he would have come down to deliver the package to the store room, he couldn’t believe in himself, but he wished Zoro had forgotten his share.

Just when he had calmed again, he listened to heavy footsteps getting closer to the door. His breath got caught inside him, how could him face the swordsman now?  
The wood creaked a little when the door was opened, and Sanji’s mind made him remind of how much this situation was similar to the on when the mess started. He heard the sound of something extremally heavy fall on the floor, but no other sound.

  
“Thank you for the deliver”, he said after a while, without turning.

  
More silence.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
It wasn’t the deep baritone voice he was expecting, so he turned around only to find Chopper’s big puppy like eyes full of worry staring at him, though it wasn’t so cute when he was in Heavy Point.

  
“Oh, hey there kid”, was all he said before turning to the new bag so he could finish his task, he hoped Chopper would get this as a tip for him leave, Sanji doubted he was going to be in the mood for chit-chats so soon, and didn’t want to discount all his frustrations on the little reindeer, but of course he didn’t leave.

  
“Did you and Zoro had fight?”, his voice was a mix of sweetness, worry and awareness that made the cook’s shoulders trop, “That’s why he didn’t want to come here?”

  
Sanji shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t want to face him, but hearing the confirmation made his chest hurt a little bit more.

“Yes.”, it was barely a whisper, he knew his companion could listen. Though he wanted to scream at him to mind his own business, he found no strength to do so.

  
The doctor was smaller now, so all he could do to call the cook’s attention was pull the leg of his pants, Sanji looked at him and the kid was so surprised to see tears in his eyes that he didn’t even had time to freak out.

  
“Oh Sanji, what happened?”

_Stop making him worry about you._

_“_ It was nothing, really, it is between me and the Marimo, don’t worry”, damn, he sounded so fucking defeated, just like the loser he was. His voice, his posture, all belonged to a loser.

  
Seeing how he looked, Chopper nodded and made his way to leave the room.

  
“Just don’t hurt yourself, please”, was what he asked before leaving.

 

* * *

He should train, his dream won’t come easy to him, he should be more dedicated, didn’t he climb up the crown’s nest to train? Then why was he spread on the floor, like a looser that had lost all will to live?

  
It had been almost a week since the inn incident, but Zoro couldn’t stop thinking about it, about how much of a headache Sanji have been since then, first, there was the emotional roller-coaster Zoro was going to, he didn’t even know that a human being could have so many emotions at a time: seeing him made his heart flutter, which was not new, but was so much more painful than before, he also knew the cook was eating less and less each past day, which made Zoro so Goodman angry, and he was also sadder, no more fire in him, making Zoro desperate to either kiss or kick him senseless, whichever comes first.

Second, there was how heartbroken he was feeling, even knowing he cannot afford this being who he is, every time he closed his eyes to meditate or nap, he heard the harshly voice telling how disgusting he was. Third, was the lack of sleep all his worries were making him. He was going crazy.

  
“Lunch is ready!”

Zoro let out a frustrated gruff while getting up from the floor.

* * *

  
  
He was about to open the door, when heard Nami questioning-tone.  
“Aren’t you going to join us, Sanji-kun?”

  
“I’m afraid I’m not hungry, Nami-san, Luffy can have my part”, the excited scream grew louder as the door was opened.

  
Weird, is the only word that could describe seeing each other for the first time after so long.

  
“Sorry to bump into you”, Sanji said.

  
“It’s fine”

  
It also felt wrong, they shouldn’t fell weird seeing each other, they lived together for years now, it should at least be a normal thing.

  
“There’s sake on the freezer for you, by the way”.

  
“What?!”, came out a little bit acuter than it should be.

  
His dumb face and voice made Sanji choke on a laugh.

  
“I said there was sake for you, dumb algae, you deserve it”

  
Zoro, then, realized what was happening, he couldn’t believe, but understood, it was Sanji’s way of apologizing, and Zoro shouldn’t be so happy and hopeful about it, even being easygoing with his nakamas he knew he deserved more than a bottle of sake, but still, it was a step into turning things back to normal, so he couldn’t help but smile a little, matching Sanji's.

* * *

 

_I want to kiss him, so much._

  
“What with that face, cook?”

  
How could he not make a face?! What the fuck did he just think? Kissing him, that wasn’t right, he ended things, and in a fucking bad way, he has no right to think this, and most important he wasn’t allowed to think such things anymore! Jesus, how crazy was he becoming? He recomposed himself, closed his wild eyes and agape mouth anda faked a cough before speaking again.

  
“I was trying to match your ugly face”, then smirked at him before adding, “now go eat before Luffy finishes everything”.

  
He was moving to the deck so he could smoke his thoughts away when a strong hand pushed his chest, the contact through the cloth alone, making his entire torso burn.

  
“Shouldn’t you be eating as well?”

  
Fuck that grey eye for piercing his soul.

  
“I ate while cooking”

  
It took a moment for him to drop his hand with a feather-y caress, he knew it was a lie, but didn’t want to fight, it hurt too much being around the blond.

  
“Fine”

  
He stepped aside and entered in the kitchen while Sanji went to the railing, both felling emptier than before.

* * *

 

Dinner had finished and with it a colossal amount of dirt stuff was left behind for Sanji to clean, when he finished collecting everything and opened the tap a random arm appeared in front of him, making he come back to the reality.

  
“Doctor-kun is asking to speak with you in the infirmary.”

  
“But I’m-”

  
“Do not worry, cook-kun, I’ll help you out”, she said pushing aside to be able to stand in front of the sink.

  
“Robin-chan, I cannot allow-”, another hand shut his mouth.

  
‘Go, he seems worried”

* * *

 

“Wanted to see me, doc?”

  
“Sanji!’, then his sweet voice chanced to his doctor one, Sanji hated when he did it, “Yes, you are gonna tell me absolutely everything to make me understand why you are not eating”

  
“No, I’m not”

  
“YES, YOU ARE!”, the blond was taken aback by the sudden scream and the sight of tears forming in his black eyes. “Just let me help you!”

  
Knowing that he made Chopper this sad, made him nauseated, he moved closer to the chair where the little doctor was crying and carefully picked him up to hug him, much like a father would do to his child, trying to calm him, when his hiccups faded Sanji sat with him on the infirmary bed and started to explain himself.

  
“I’ve done something really bad, and I feel really bad about it, so bad it’s driving me crazy”, he whispered looking ahead.

  
“That’s why you’re not eating?”, he nodded “How bad was it?”

  
He was about to tell a lie, I killed the wrong guy or something like that when he felt cold hooves on his cheeks, forcing him to face the cute little reindeer.

  
“Please, tell me truth, so I can help you.”

  
_Lord, how can I say no to this?_

  
“Someone told me they love me, and I was an asshole”

  
“I thought you wanted to be loved, why did you do this?”

  
Chopper’s innocence broke Sanji completely, he had no idea why, during the past days he was thinking over the facts and he come up with the conclusion that there was no problem about being loved by a man, it was still love and it worked in the same way as it did with women, there was also no problem about having sex, or making love dare him to say, with a man, he was more than okay with that, specially if that man was someone who already knows him so well like Zoro does, so why? What was wrong with him? Many things actually.

  
“I don’t know”

  
“Are you sure? Because when we do something, we always have a reason behind it, at least is what my books say, you should think about it a little bit more, maybe it would come to you”

  
He was tired and fucking pissed with this smart aleck racoon, so he lied down on the bed and pushed Chopper from his lap.

  
“Fine, but tomorrow, now get out of my room”

  
“This is not- “

  
“OUT”, but there was no intentional harm and Chopper left laughing, leaving a much more confused cook behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what did you think about it? Did you like?  
> I hope so!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first English fanfic so please be nice to me and feel free to tell correct me if I'm not writing things right.  
> Hope you like it! <3  
> Give me your feedback <3


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